The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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