Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
