my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.