Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
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I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!