New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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