Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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