I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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