if you like me you must not know who I am
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
