Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
