i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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