so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
