I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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