how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
