every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she told me i tasted like america
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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