he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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