lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
