So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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