that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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