have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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