I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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