just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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