Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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