Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
