Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
