Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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