I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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