Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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