omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
