I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
