I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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