Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
