Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
