I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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