Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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