You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
