She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
