i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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