Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
