Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
