is your mom at the bar?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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