i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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