We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
