Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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