do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dick very happy bro
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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