addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
