No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
