The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
