I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
