you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
