In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize