god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
