you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
