We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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