from now on my penis is your penis
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
