yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
