Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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