I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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