The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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