A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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