When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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