we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
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I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.