You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
