There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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