Apparently you make a good broom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
