OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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