The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
