It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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