My liver just broke up with me...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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