I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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