Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
