Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
