dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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