I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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