Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so let's talk penis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
