I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
