Swine flu. Run for my life!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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