cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
